Feel the Rain

"..weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning."

-Psalms 30:5

-Live Productively

Ventilation

I'm sorry, Lord- I know I'm called to love (forgive me if I offend anyone) but I'm going to be honest here by saying that I cannot stand the nerve of some people! These people who preach with their mouths and complain with their hearts that Jesus isn't doing anything in their life or that they're just not as "spiritually motivated" as they once were.. I'm going to be quite frank by tooting my own horn a bit & say that I'm a pretty reasonable person to talk to but over & over I've been hearing on numerous accounts from people who see passionate Christians & start"wishing" for it to happen to them by some miracle from the sky without being moved to seek out that passion for themselves. What makes me (purely flesh) angry & a bit annoyed is at how impatient & lazy we can be and still we're able to label ourselves as a "Christian".. The most peeving are the ones who claim that they want to be spiritually in tune with God but don't even make the slightest effort to even keep in touch with Him. I think way too many times we forget that it's called a RELATIONSHIP with Christ just like any other relationship we have with friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, mom, dad, brother, etc.. So how can we just "want" to be more Godly if we're not making an effort to reach Godliness that comes from SEEKING God at his word, immersing our minds- logically, realistically, tangibly as well as spiritually, on things above.. (Col 3:2)

This doesn't necessarily mean that we are to throw away our social lives, abandon our friends or quit our jobs, fail school and focus solely on God (if this is so, GREAT! more power & blessing to ya) but in reality, we live our lives where we are placed- it's realistically & practically applying Godliness to our everyday lives. Whether it may be (like for me) to: love my dad, my momS, and brothers and to pray for them- regardless of the pain that they've caused me, praying for my friends & even those that I've come to hate with a passion- to love on them and asking God for His encounter with those specific people, forgiving those that caused me the most pain and to ask God to place in me the capability to forgive myself & repent of my sinfulness, seeing my tainted self in the light of my sins, bringing them to light. And Most importantly, sharing verbally about how God is working in my life, to reflect a testimony of HIS glory at work within me. This does not come from one glorious prayer/ one time read the bible & automatically I'm Holy as ever.. but it comes by working to keep the relationship REAL.. just like a relationship with a significant other, the relationship will only work if you MAKE it work. You mess up, you forgive, you devote, you love & you keep working at how to draw closer to one another. No couple is ever perfect b/c there's no such thing as "perfect"..

A boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife (not quite there yet but I'm assuming) will work out how to communicate, how to love and be loved in return & how they can serve one other out of their commitment and devotion to one another. This comes from a love that is rooted deeper than the temporary emotional high that comes during the "honeymoon stage" of many relationships. Which may be where a lot of people are stuck when it comes to their relationship with God. Emotionally high, once it fades- so does the relationship. A couple doesn't automatically have a great relationship after one conversation, one breakthrough or by reading one relationship book, or one relationship counseling session. It's when you put what you learn to the test that the real relationship is able to bloom. With all our relationship, what makes our relationship with God any different? other than God always being there to hear you out and loving you unconditionally~ You will always reap what we sow.. so why would you limit the love God gives?

"There will always be a sacrificing of something

when we desire to move forward in an area of our lives"

-Live Productively

Pain can be like a Drug

This blog is inspired by the thorn on my side who I call: My biological Mother..

I talk about all my issues in life like any other day's daily conversation, but when it comes to my mom. abandoning. me, I just freeze. I slowly start to emotionally just shut down. I try hard, HARDER than usual to detach but I ain't gon lie, the pain injects straight to the core of my heart. The pain comes at a different strength than my other issues. At that rekindling moment of victimization, I suddenly shrink to "helpless 12 yr old Esther" and it's real easy to just lose it. Lose myself. The injection of pain is like a drug that paralyzes my mental and physical state. The high of the pain shoots straight in. I start to cry and get frantic- making me into a whole different person. This pain messes with me. A person risks the possibility of an addiction by the first injection, snort, pill or inhaling of any kind of drug. At every thought of my Mother, I can't help myself to this addiction that comes from the pain. I tried, time & time again to quit this pain- cold turkey, ask any addict.. it ain't as easy as it sounds. My therapy sessions are my rehab to detox off "the pain"-> aka the drug. So that one day just as a drug addict would be able to function soberly; I, too, can function in a healthy way without this crippling pain creeping up to haunt me at the very thought of my mother, who 24 years ago brought me into this world... I'm not quite there yet but very close!

"Reliving the past is overrated and only makes it harder to move on"

-Live Productively

INFJ

Introverted	Intuitive	Feeling	Judging
I	N	F	J

Strength of the preferences %

22

38

38

33

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

This has got to be the best worded description of the new ME!

I couldn't have said it better myself..

-Live Productively

in the process of transitioning..

As I continue on my days where I'm expecting myself to change.. i can see it happen- GRADUALLY... It's funny how much 'expectation' plays a part in my life. Expectations that I expect from myself. There has been more frequently than before, times where I'm caught in a place where I'm able to see the person that I am, something I've never been able to do before. What I mean by this is, I've always found my image and self worth through validating myself through other people. I always thought that the person that I am was who I was but it actually wasn't ME. I saw this fact to be true by a counseling session I had last week. We were discussing how in time I'm going to have to start dating again. I had told my psychologist during that same session that I'm scared to date again bc of the fear that all this work that i've been putting in by building independence is going to be snatched away by this man who comes into my life and I'll lose myself, again.. I've always had a problem with being TOO selfless whether it was passing up going to college FOR MYSELF for the sake of giving myself to raising my brothers or whether it was being TOO selfless in relationships by giving up my wants for the sake of HIS needs in the fear of him/my parents leaving me.. A time after high school, I put off going straight to college FOR MYSELF so that I could help raise my brothers so that my parents could work so they wouldn't fight anymore and the fear of them divorcing wouldn't even be a factor. That's when my psychologist asked me this question that changed my whole views of my past: "so did you save your parents marriage? did he end up staying?"... then my whole self crumbled as I answered, "no..."


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This realization has been a long time coming but finally has come. The realization that just because I give my whole self to another person whether it's my brothers, dad, mom, boyfriend, or even friends.. doesn't hold me responsible for them leaving my life.. I always thought that if I could give everything of myself and be completley selfless then I could keep people from leaving.. but I've come to fully grasp the concept that: Sometimes in Life people come into our lives & sometimes they leave but there is always a reason why our lives intertwine.. in the end, I'm still- ME


I guess this process of transitioning of seeing myself for who I really am has come bc of my frequent prayer times with God. A couple of nights ago God gave me a vision where I saw myself, blindfolded in front of a mirror and God said to me, 'when I take off your blindfold, tell me what you see'.. so he then took off my blindfold and as I looked into the mirror I immediately said, 'I DON'T SEE ANYTHING...' I couldn't tell him what I saw bc I really couldn't see anything. At that moment when he looked at me, he gently told me, 'in time my daughter, i will allow you to see yourself as how I see you'.. when he said those gentle words to me I knew by the way he was looking at me that he was gazing into an image of a beautiful woman that I have yet to see.. not quite there yet but I'm really close, still in the process of transitioning...


Esther Lim

-Live Productively

How to Enjoy Your Bible

If you want to be changed, if you want to become more like Jesus Christ, discipline yourself to read the Bible.

"Surely we only have to be realistic and honest with ourselves to know how regularly we need to turn to the Bible. How often do we face problems, temptations, and pressure? Every day! Then how often do we need instruction, guidance and greater encouragement? Every day! To catch all these felt needs up into an even greater issue, how often do we need to see God's face, hear his voice, feel his touch, know his power? The answer to all these questions is the same: every day! As the American evangelist D.L. Moody put it, "A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God's boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it."

-John Blanchard

"Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy,

and blessed are those who hear it

and take to heart what is written in it,

because the time is near"

-Revelation 1:3

-Live Productively

a lil bit MORE about ME

There aren't many days where I take the time out of my day to really think about who I am, why I am and how I came to be- who I am, who am I? ... Many factors, variables, people, situations and circumstances have all played its part into building who I am today. Many times being forced to grow up, some times being able to choose to grow up and most of the times learning how to grow up into a much more wiser, mature and stable Esther Lim.

All of my life I've grown up only knowing how to fear life when the waves have calmed only waiting for when another tide will come in to wipe me out. But today I'm coming to clearly see that every day is another wave and it's all a matter of how I'm able to deal w/the waves- either to let it overwhelm me, taking me out OR riding the wave... this is my choice and ultimately God showing me mercy. These days I'm a fountain of thoughts. There are other days where I'm dry of thoughts and I wait on the Lord to provoke my thoughts. It's the times where my well is overflowing that I'm able to show joy, mercy and love to LIFE- everything and everyone in it. There was once a time in my life that I feared, dreaded and hated my life. I honestly can't believe that I'm now in a place where I'm able to thoroughly enjoy every second, minute and moment of it! Nothing life changing has happened- Everything is the same but I'm the one that's changing, I'm the one that's moving and finally, LIFE isn't the one controlling me but I'm controlling life. God's finally allowing me to be able to control what I'm able to control and I'm allowing Him to control what I'm unable to control.

Time is such an interesting and pivotal factor in my life. As the days pass I'm progressively moving along with time instead of jumping ahead or falling behind. God's been training me to understand the true meaning of patience and grasping the concept of waiting- in the present. This instant gratification generation has brainwashed me to throw patience out of the window but patience has come knockin at my doorstep and I'm gladly welcoming it back into my life. I have an inkling that God's bringing patience into my life to prepare me for a wave that's about to come. Like I mentioned in my previous post at the beginning of this year that I'm in this process of growth and that change is happening WITHIN me. I'm consistently being sifted inside- straining out what I don't need on the surface and sifting the things that I do need below surfaced leveled life. Hence these life revelations & epiphanies that's gearing me towards growth, change and maturity. I'm gradually learning the meaning of change as well. It's not something to be explained with words but a concept that is to be shown- tangibly and realistically. For example, I may say that I'm gaining muscle definition with my words but if my muscles aren't showing my words to be true then technically no change has actually happened. In the same regards to my life, if I'm saying with my words that change is happening within me then my life should show for it. Certainly my capacity to love, my capability to forgive myself to allow myself to forgive others that's hurt me, having joy, being content and genuinely happy with the way life is- are all ways that change is evidently working within me. Being transparent can be scary yet liberating at the same time. This entry has drowned me for the day, I pray it did the same for you. Til next "time" ...

-Live Productively!