a lil bit MORE about ME

There aren't many days where I take the time out of my day to really think about who I am, why I am and how I came to be- who I am, who am I? ... Many factors, variables, people, situations and circumstances have all played its part into building who I am today. Many times being forced to grow up, some times being able to choose to grow up and most of the times learning how to grow up into a much more wiser, mature and stable Esther Lim.

All of my life I've grown up only knowing how to fear life when the waves have calmed only waiting for when another tide will come in to wipe me out. But today I'm coming to clearly see that every day is another wave and it's all a matter of how I'm able to deal w/the waves- either to let it overwhelm me, taking me out OR riding the wave... this is my choice and ultimately God showing me mercy. These days I'm a fountain of thoughts. There are other days where I'm dry of thoughts and I wait on the Lord to provoke my thoughts. It's the times where my well is overflowing that I'm able to show joy, mercy and love to LIFE- everything and everyone in it. There was once a time in my life that I feared, dreaded and hated my life. I honestly can't believe that I'm now in a place where I'm able to thoroughly enjoy every second, minute and moment of it! Nothing life changing has happened- Everything is the same but I'm the one that's changing, I'm the one that's moving and finally, LIFE isn't the one controlling me but I'm controlling life. God's finally allowing me to be able to control what I'm able to control and I'm allowing Him to control what I'm unable to control.

Time is such an interesting and pivotal factor in my life. As the days pass I'm progressively moving along with time instead of jumping ahead or falling behind. God's been training me to understand the true meaning of patience and grasping the concept of waiting- in the present. This instant gratification generation has brainwashed me to throw patience out of the window but patience has come knockin at my doorstep and I'm gladly welcoming it back into my life. I have an inkling that God's bringing patience into my life to prepare me for a wave that's about to come. Like I mentioned in my previous post at the beginning of this year that I'm in this process of growth and that change is happening WITHIN me. I'm consistently being sifted inside- straining out what I don't need on the surface and sifting the things that I do need below surfaced leveled life. Hence these life revelations & epiphanies that's gearing me towards growth, change and maturity. I'm gradually learning the meaning of change as well. It's not something to be explained with words but a concept that is to be shown- tangibly and realistically. For example, I may say that I'm gaining muscle definition with my words but if my muscles aren't showing my words to be true then technically no change has actually happened. In the same regards to my life, if I'm saying with my words that change is happening within me then my life should show for it. Certainly my capacity to love, my capability to forgive myself to allow myself to forgive others that's hurt me, having joy, being content and genuinely happy with the way life is- are all ways that change is evidently working within me. Being transparent can be scary yet liberating at the same time. This entry has drowned me for the day, I pray it did the same for you. Til next "time" ...

-Live Productively!