Stop Doubting & Believe

It's that time of year again, HEART CHECK UP!

Every year when it comes around to the time of Easter I'm moved from deep within. I was given an image of myself with sweat and tears running down my agonizing face from carrying this humongous cross up a hill. As I got up to this hill I place the cross into this hole as the Cross stands before me. People are shouting at me and saying that I deserve to be crucified. I ready myself for this crucifixion as Christ comes before me and whispers, "my dear child, I will take your place" and he sacrifices himself for the sake of My sins. Startled and amazed I fall to my knees as I look up upon this cross & gaze at the torture and agonizing face of my Savior. My tears and His blood drop down onto my face as I am in disbelief at what is happening. It's at that moment while I am facedown before My Lord that He miraculously comes down from that cross in an angelic glowing form of Himself and He looks at me and embraces me with His love saying, "It is finished".

Last Night at bible study we studied in the book of John 19:16-20:31.. There's a part where Jesus appears to one of his disciples named, Thomas. This Thomas was part of the twelve but wasn't with the others when they saw the Lord. The other disciples had seen the Lord and they came to him and told him about it. But he said to them, "unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." (John 20:24,25) About a week later as the disciples were in the house, Thomas being among them, Jesus comes in and stands among them saying specifically to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. STOP DOUBTING AND BELIEVE." (John20:26,27) It's at that moment Thomas says, "My Lord and my God!" and starts to believe as Jesus tells him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (vs.29)

The thing that I found quite remarkable about this encounter was how Jesus straight up tells him to "stop doubting and believe" that He has risen from the dead and that it's REALLY Him! How many of us are caught in the same position as Thomas was in. In disbelief that Christ has Risen. But just as he appeared before Thomas it's by believing that "you may have life in his name" (vs31) I pray that He appears into your life as He did in Thomas' and into mine and tells you as he told us to "stop doubting & believe" that He is Risen!

Have a great Resurrection Sunday!

"The LORD our God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with his love,

He will rejoice over you with singing"

Zephaniah 3:17

-Live Productively

Who I am on the inside

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

-1 Samuel 16:7

As this verse asserts, so often we humans look at what we can see on the outside- beauty, talents, smarts and such. God sees straight to the heart- motives, intent & character. His measuring stick is far more accurate and important than ours. So many spend countless hours and dollars perfecting the former while completely ignoring the latter. God's Word to us is clear. Who we are inside is really who we are.

"Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

Dear Lord, I want who I am at the core to accurately reflect who YOU are to the world. In Jesus name, Amen

-Live Productively

How deep is your Love?

I believe in you
you know the door to my very soul
you're the light in my deepest darkest hour
you're my saviour when I come

-Live Productively

I AM LOVE

If, during the day, your heart hardens towards God, quickly recall Gods pure & tender heart as described in the text below

I am patient.

I am kind.

I am humble.

I am not boastful or arrogant.

I am respectful of your inner beauty, dignity, and worth.

I am never abrasive, nor sarcastic.

I am never rude.

I have never been rude to you, not ever, not even once.

I will never be rude to you, my child, not even once.

I am always considerate of all your needs.

I am thoughtful.

I am slow to act upon the hurt I receive.

I never act off the first impulse of my anger.

I, the Lord your God, keep no records of wrongs.

I do not delight in any evil you do.

I do not delight in any evil that befalls you.

I rejoice with the truth.

I rejoice when you know the truth of WHO I AM.

I am the Truth.

I always protect you.

I always trust you.

I always hope you will come to me with all your heart.

I always persevere in doing well for you.

There is no end to my love...

I.AM.PERFECT.LOVE

That is who I am, in heaven and on earth, when I say,

I AM WHO I AM

[inspired by 1Cor.13]

-Live Productively

Life is so Beautiful

([picture courtesy of: librarybook.tumblr.com])

-Live Productively

It's. About. Time

After my last counseling session I couldn't seem to digest well the things that were shown before me. So for the past week I've had a pile of REALITY just laid out in front of me and slowly I'm starting to pick up each piece of reality and organize it into my mental bookshelf, as you can say. I've shut myself closed from any socialization bc I just didn't want to speak to anyone about the things that were going on inside. It's then that I started to question why I had detached myself from human contact. I had to go back to the root of the problem and see that bc I wanted to detach myself from the emotions that rise up from the things that are stirring up inside I just thought that I didn't need any help but I'm seeing that it's not about allowing people to help me but having people there for me comforting and supporting me while I go through the emotions. It's a battle that I'm fighting, every day. Against myself.

Lyndon Johnson once said, "Every [wo]man is trying to either live up to his[her] father's expectations or make up for his[her] father's mistakes."

The moment I walked into my psychologist office I had a set of expectations that I wanted to leave therapy with. Some being: becoming a whole version of myself, not being so dependent on other people for my happiness and lastly but the most important was to be healed of my past and not let it shackle my present and future. Every therapy session actually allows me to stretch beyond where I'm already at. It moves me out of my comfort zones and pushes me into new terrains that I've never been before. I also come face to face with REALITY for what it is and my idealized version of reality starts to disappear. Scary? OH you bet ya! but I'm coming to see that I'm a whole lot more of myself and not myself co-incided with the image of my Father, I don't feel that voided feeling as I normally would feel. I have a sense of liberation. I'm more free seeking wholly for God's truths to be bestowed into my heart and upon my life, for his love to fulfill me sufficiently. Which leads me to independency. I stopped looking to people to be reliable for my happiness. I have come to see that there are certain things that I must take care of MYSELF, like finding my own happiness. As well as healing from my past and the pains left behind from my Father. This past session was the most difficult to digest bc I came to see my Father for who he is. All the pain from my mom's abandoning me + my father who caused them to leave and trying to intertwine the two was the most difficult. I'm still in the process of digesting this but it's REAL, it's how it is and I'm seeing it. It's a brutally painful process and a lot of tears and emotional effort is being invested but through this I know the outcome will be WELL worth it. In life, sometimes the only way out is through.

"A key component of growth is GRACE.

Enough grace to open up and bring things into the light & be healed"

"Beauty instead of ashes. A garment of praise instead of a Spirit of Despair"

-Isaiah 61:3-

-Live Productively

transparency

to just be without any discretion of hiding anything...
that's how i want to be before God, myself and Others
it's not as easy as it seems. it takes risk. it takes discernment & most importantly it takes humility to be wholly myself before God, myself and before Others.
*mirroring myself in the image of God.

I want to be like You, Jesus
To have this heart in me

-Live Productively