In the above scripture, the Psalmist tells me that God keeps a record of my tears and that He saves those tears in a bottle. On the day I meet him face to face he'll show me those tears. I have been in a mode where I am a waterworks show whenever it comes to certain topics of my life which I always saw as part of my process to healing and accepting. Today I came across a highly respected woman I know who helped me in this process of healing. Her & her family are missionaries in the country of Indonesia and it's SO amazing how God works in the hearts of individuals and how he divinely appoints a perfect time, a 'Kairos' moment, and crosses our paths for healing, encouragement and a spoken word from Him to show me that I'm headed in the right direction. It's like driving on the freeway and looking for certain signs to show that I'm driving on the right freeway in the right direction. Yeah, it was exactly like that today. We didn't exchange many words but when she looked into my eyes and started tearing it was like she was weeping for what she was seeing inside my soul. She knew and at the same time felt what I was turmoiling with INSIDE. At that moment I knew that God's hands was on both our hearts and he was meeting us both in THAT place where NO ONE else was/is allowed, sometimes not even ourselves. It was a moment where peace was free to flow forth into certain areas of my life because I was able to feel the pain and weep over it. Normally when i would hear about tears, crying or gloom I automatically think of sadness, grieving or some kind of pain and definitely some sort of hurt. I always thought that this was a definite NO GO because sadness and tears brings pain and hurts. Something I hate and despise and try with all my life NOT to feel or come across. All my life, going through my parents divorces, going through my mom abandoning me when I was 12 and then again later on in my life and experiencing the same abandonment from my step-mom, going through deaths of those close to me, going through all the yelling/anger/resentment from my dad towards me, going through taking on the role of a wife to him and a mother to my brothers, going through my relationships & painful break ups.. I always put off feeling pain from each of these areas because dude, real talk- IT HURTS! and the pain is sometimes very unbearable. I'm still in the process of embracing the pain and really facing how hurt I was from my past wounds. Every day, every moment- I'm showing real good progress & outcome. After my heart to heart moment with Ksmn today I came to figure that while I'm still alive I'm always going to be going through this. But every moment that I feel is a moment where I'm able to let go and allow God to take over that empty, painful, hurtful, hollow, dark, sad, scary place in me for His light, peace, love and grace to replace. This moment in me is like the words Jesus spoke about in Matt 12:43-45 about the house being unoccupied, cleaned up and everything in order but for me, I have no room for evil spirits anymore... God is home sweet home :) Everything is In time... and a continued process.
The tears of our sorrow brings forth a harvest.
"..weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Psalm 30:5
-Live Productively
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