Don't Apologize

unless you really did something wrong!

Today my mind is all jumbled so I thought I'd blog to try to organize some of the things cluttered up in there. I remember when I used to immerse myself into relationships with guys that I knew would NEVER ever understand the depths of pain that I've had to endure b/c of my family. So because of my dis functioned self from my dysfunctional family, I'd get into relationships with guys who had the exact opposite- a family that was.. "normal".. a guy who I saw as Loved by a mom & a dad so I'd be loved somehow with that kind of love which only led to times were I'd be agonizing and apologizing for not growing up in a "normal" family home or have a "normal" life and for not being.. "normal"- like them. It's one of those areas where I need to dig.. deeper but I'll save that for another day.. today I had the time and courage to reflect back and I seriously cannot believe I was so pathetic enough to stoop so low and apologize for-- NOT BEING NORMAL ?! The thing that makes me cringe even more is the fact that I allowed myself to be placed in a position where I would see my past, the wounds and hurts become a disease that infected me, leaving me quarantined from being Loved. Was this really the way that God created me to be? As Gods Love is healing my wounded soul, I'm able to recognize that the only words that should come out of my mouth in an apology would be for not repenting for my sins! God created me for so much MORE than to apologize for my life that I never really saw as Normal from the beginning. Who is to say what's "Normal" anyways? I'm definitely not and it's about time that I've come to embrace it!

-Live Productively