Today I had dinner with my dad for the 2nd time. The man that I'm most scared and threatened by. But also, the man that raised me and helped me become the strong person that I am today. At times, actually, almost always I am crippled by the pain that comes when I reminisce upon the past. The actions, the words, the happenings that went down in my journey of life that roots up when I think back. Memories can either be joyous and bring joy or it can be dark and bring about emotions that I'd rather hide under the rug. The emotions that don't come out everyday. The emotions that hide behind the fascade, the face, the front, the mask. The emotions that rupture inside and can tear a person apart. The emotions that need to be dealt with in order to get better in order to walk again, the cast must come off! I write about these things because these are happenings that are happening in my own life. It's therapeutic when I actually get it out of my head thru typing it out which helps me clarify my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I become that crippled little girl who cannot walk when times get tough but I believe that those moments are what makes me stronger, they are therapy for my wounded soul. Now, I face my father with no hints of fear. I am a strong being who can look him in the eye and be able to love him without any sense of HATE. HATE that once took over my whole being and made me into someone I wasn't. HATE that rots my soul. HATE that can only be overcomed by LOVE. LOVE that can only be brought about by PEACE. PEACE that can only be surfaced thru healing. HEALING that takes TIME. TIME.. once was an enemy.. now is on my side..
For fear to vanish, face it!
-live productively
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