is not all about me.. it's about knowing GOD (love) and allowing LOVE (God) to form me from the inside out.. these days i'm coming to see all the things inside me that cripples me from growing spiritually, emotionally & mentally. but the more i dig deeper into myself the more that God takes me out of the picture and shows me objectively that it's not about me.. it's about Him.. i've been in complain mode for the past couple weeks about how i'm having a hard time maintaining friendships & allowing myself to be open to trusting people. but the more i see what i'm doing - im seeing how i lack so much in faith.. i lack in trusting God first because if i trust God then why would i be so scared crapless to trust people? yeah, i was beaten & bruised emotionally in the past and left abandoned by my parents who should have nurtured me and loved me.. and being left un-nurtured at a young age- im coming to see the pains and hurts that are surfacing but im also seeing these things that cripple me & more so welcoming it into my present and for God to help me face the fear. so far i'd like to applaud myself for coming this far! i went over & beyond what i thought i was capable of! so far, ive been shown why i never allow myself to trust, why i act the way i do, why i suck @ being a friend, why i hunger for love/acceptance & why i morph into anger mode when i feel threatened by someone i care about. personally, i really really really want to thank those of you that have been patient with me during this time of my life and allowing me the freedom to go through my tantrums and face my fears alongside me.. you personally see the growth and change developing from within me (i hope) & it is because of your support and acceptance that i'm able to flourish freely and grow freely, the way i should.. and for that i really really want to say THANK YOU..
One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.
-Psalm 27
-Live Productively
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