Continuing on

So let's see.. It's been about a good time span since the last time I've printed anything on this blog. Was thinking of creating a new one just to restart from where I am now but I've convinced myself that it's probably best to continue on from where I've left off.

So as of yet, most things have been same old' except my age. Everything seems to stay the same except my age and the boys that roam thru my life. My brothers are growing up so fast. My dads settle down into his old age, altho I'm coming to believe he may be going thru a life crisis. Wouldn't be surprised if he ends up rockin a tattoo in a Harley Davidson with a leather jacket. Haha. Lately he's been saying how much he wants to try bungee jumping, started a praise band at his church and is spending more quality time with me on the weekly. So It's almost like he's been embracing the lost time which has passed yet he's new and improved in the way he's even approaching life. It's respectable.

I'd like to think I've grown in that time span that's lapsed since my last serious post. I have to admit though, that the reason I've stopped writing all together, on my blog, notes, journals is because of my fear of facing my emotions, the feelings so buried deep within that so embarks me when the storm has calmed. Lately, I've been finding myself seeing a reflection of who I am thru the people I've been meeting. There's this one friend who has been a mirror for me to see how I am, by the things I say, and the actions that I portray. It's been heart wrenching but at the same time a revolutionary moment. Things I've always known and things I've never known about myself. I'm always down to improve and become a better version of myself than the version of who I am at the very present moment. I have come to embrace the pain within. The things that cripple me from being a fragrance of beauty and grace unto those around me. I'm always in defensive mode twds those I know can hurt me. So I use "punch-line" sarcasm that ends conversations. I don't know how to have a decent conversation in fear that I won't have control over what is being said! Man, talk about issues!

It's good that I'm being revealed such matters because before anything serious occurs I'm glad I can get to know more of myself. Change what can be changed and to tweak what needs to be replaced. This blog has seen me at my worst and my best. Spiritually, emotionally and mentally. It's amazing how life takes me on such journeys and yet I have nothing to worry about because all is taken care off. All I have to learn to do is to sit back and just relax, for Christ sake!

Continuing on....