When it RAINS.. it freakin POURS!

I have been going through the craziest RAINstorms in LIFE!

i'm going through all sets of seasons of emotions:

-intense sadness,

-waves of laughing, bringing about joy,

-immense internal pain,

-rising anger,

-annoyances!

-confusions..

Everyday is a new day and I honestly could not have said it better myself. One day I would wake up and everything could be fine and dandy. The next couple hours and throughout the day, somehow my whole life can be turned 360 degrees flipped upside down. Life is honestly a big jumbled up ball of frustrations just waiting to be unravelled. I'm in the unravelling stages now. Going through emotion after emotion, learning from mistakes, thinking about the possibilities of the "what if's", thinking about the present state. There's just so many life changing experiences that I have been facing in the past couple of weeks. My friend told me, "When it rains, it pours!" and I find it very ironic that not too long ago I mentioned these very exact words: "I feel like I'm waiting for another storm to come because Life is too quiet right now".. It's as if I foretold my own happenings. Ofcourse I'm not God and I cannot see the future and what it has in store but what I do know is.. THIS LIFE IS nothing BUT TEMPORARY.. the pains, the feelings, the everyday struggles amount to nothing compared to eternity with Christ. That is what I firmly believe and know in my spirit, that one day when God has fulfilled all my life's purposes that I'll be able to leave leaving behind my life's missions, whatever God's plan may be.

This week was the most pivotal life changing week of my life. I am no longer in the same mindset, I am no longer the same person, I no longer possess the same thoughts as I had prior to this week. The passing of my dear friend, Paul, has left me contemplating and wrestling with a lot of facts of life, that remain imprinted onto my heart. The very fact that through the testimony of his life I was able to find.. the meaning of LIFE! There are so many people that can say, "He could've achieved so much, he could've accomplished so much more, etc etc" but quite honestly, I do not think that there was much more than what was amounted to the short span of his 25 years of life. God had divinely appointed perfectly the people God wanted Paul to touch. He divinely used Paul's life as His hands and feet to reach out to those that God wanted to touch. Through the passing of Paul so many have found LIFE through Christ, as well as myself. I apologized to Paul that I cannot be with Him right now in God's glory because somehow God is not done fulfilling allllllll that he has in plan for MY life. Whatever it is God wants to fulfill, I'm still left here to fulfil exactly that. God's purposes for my life to be a blessing to those that he has given me to bless. At the same time, he's taken those away from me that I'm no longer to bless. I have reconciled many relationships and friendships, at the same time I've lost many relationships and friendships as well. Regardless of my gains or losses, I'm still thankful for the fact that..

He GIVES and TAKES AWAY..

Life is not always easy and I honestly don't think that I'll ever be content with my life here on Earth until I get to my appointed destination, heaven. But I do know that God will strengthen me and help me achieve the impossibles, the unobtainables and the things that I limit myself from thinking that I can! With that hope, I'm able to move another day forward into fulfilling the plans that God has in store for me. Whatever that may be!

-Live Productively!